Keep It Simple

2010-02-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

My MBA is coming to an end...soon I will be back home...

Last two years taught me so much about life..i hav had my ups and downs..

But i never thought this is how things going to turn out for me at IIMs..

I screwed up my personal life biggg time...I gav eup everything for wrong people...

made frens with people who dunt care...but i also managed to find few nice people..

i still managed to find a nice job and yeah i did learn my lesson...

i cant jus trust ppl like dat...world s not dat nice afterall...i guess i expect a lot from ppl...and also i m jus too insecure about ppl in my life...

dunno where all dis came from ..i wasnt liek dis before...i was happy and free,....

anyways...i m leavin dis place...for a new destination , new ppl and new life...

this place gave me a lot...taught me a lot...and it was indeed a dream life...

but guess its time to move on....

dunno wat its gonna be like in future...but i m sure god has smthin good in store for me...i think i hav had my share of lows now...cant go lower den dis,...!!!

and yeah i guess i should give up on relationships...smtimes they r nt jus meant to work no matter wat u do...may be dats life...may be i should learn to move on soon to be happy in life...

may be....

Giving My All

2009-12-16T16:43:00.000-08:00

Life has certainly changed in last two years.

But this is not about the change. Its yet again about the thing that hurt me the most..giving my all to someone who doesnt care...

well..the worst part is I cant leave him.. No I dunt understand why i cant leave him...he treats me badly..he s rude to me...he s selfish..and i come like last on his priority list...

but still...still...i just cant walk away from him..why am i still here?why cant i leave a person who makes me cry evday..?why cant i leave a person who will just watch me cry and wont even react?why cant i leave a person for whom i mean nothing?

I have given him my all....i thought may be a lot of love will change him one day...i thought he will love me back the same way as i do one day....may be things will after all be right between us one day...

but the day hasnt come....and here i am sitting again...cryin...miserable...fighting the pain...all alone...and i still doesnt have the courage to leave him...wat s stoppin me?wat m i scared of..?

i am not sure...i jus know i am in a lot of pain and i cant do anythin about it...it hurts...it hurts like crazy...doc told me recently this pain is going to make things worse for me soon...i know i can be in a deep shit if i dunt get out of my depression soon....i know the only way out of this pain is to move out of this relationship..but i just cant...i dunt have the strength..may be i love him way too much ....wat is this?is this love?is this really love??....

2009-09-18T20:19:00.001-07:00

I am yet again running after wrong things in life...wrong people...wrong expectations.

when did all dis start? It was all fine..I learnt not to expect too much from anyone during graduation

Then I came here...made some awesome set of friends...got really carried away...

I made dose friends my life...gave them more importance than myself...

well....it was all fine till the day I got into shit and needed them..I looked back and no one was there..

where did i go wrong??I always did the right thing...I always had the good intentions..

but may right thing wasnt that right after all..

why do i still expect them to change?why am i still running for support...?when will i really learn?

when will i really grow up???

2009-05-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

"Heyy!!"
"ahem...heyy...so why did u call?"
"huh?...cant i call u ..?btw i jus called to tell u that I am leaving now.."
"oh...right..okay..."
"umm...u have nothing else to say?"
"no..why...u want to leave , u can leave...i am no one to stop you rfom doing anything.."
"yeah right...u r no one...chal take care den..bye"
"yeah bye"
*heart break*
why is it so difficult to move on?even when you know you are holding on to nothing. even when you know it is going to take you no where...even when you know there is no other alternative then moving on..life is tough...

time to change

2009-03-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Life is soon going to change. I am at the crossroads again..new place ..new people..new experience..

But I am still not able to get over my previous experience. I ruined evrything that was nice in my life..and also ruined the time I have always waited for..

I need just one chance to correct it all...I am not quite sure how I will do it , but I wanna do it.. Tomm results going to be out and life is going to go either ways...for good or worse...I am not sure ..but it is surely going to change a lot of things..

But I am not sure what exactly to learn from my past exp..was it wrong to have good intentions for evone?was it wrong to be frens with people who were nice to u?was it wrong to trust people?was it wrong to expect world ard me to be nice?was it wrong to expect ur own frens to be nice?
so should i be mean nice and always suspicious?should i be a loner?should i jus stop expectin nice ppl in my life?

I am not sure..I dunt know what I am goin to change about myself in my new life, but I gotta do smthing..Honestly speakin , I love being the way I am ..I love being naive...I love to feel pure hearts around me...I really dunt wanna change :-( but I will have to chnage...I cant let people hurt me again..

This is not wat I expected life to be like wen I grow up...:-(

2009-03-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

"Did it mean anything to you?"
"Yes..It did..I like you, but I am not sure. I find you cute. But I like her as well. I am confused. You are my best friend and even she is such a good friend. I cant ditch her. I am not sure what to do."
"Listen ...lets just forget it. You dont love me. And thats all I care about. But you should have thought at least once before kissing me. It was my first kiss. It meant so much to me..Anyway, We will still be friends. I love you a lot and I am not going to spoil our friendship cuz you did something stupid."
"Hey ..stop..I am sorry..I know I was stupid..............hey dunt go.."
...
....
......
"You fine na...?"
"of course..i am fine...i am over all that...dunt worry.."
..
...
....
"I am not fine. I hate this..I hate the fact that I kissed when I dunt even love you. I hate the fact that you dunt love me. I hate the fact that my first kiss was not any love story .. I hate the fact that you like someone else. I hate the fact that my parenst trust me so much. I hate the fact that its going to kill them. I hate the fact that I dunt feel pure anymore...I hate myself..."

I wish

2009-01-01T13:14:00.000-08:00

Last year was very eventful.I met you.. I went to a new place and I met you. There was nothing special about you.. You were just a plain looking guy. But your eyes said something to me.I swear I felt it. I swear I stopped breathing evtime I saw you. I was so sure about you that I told evone abt u. I was so sure about you that I took you as my destiny. Though I hated evtime you ignored me .. I hated evtime I saw you wid smone else. I hated the fact that you dint love me the way I do. But I was so sure that you are the one that I ignored evthing. I knew I m in love. I loved you . I swear I did. I am not sure why. I am not sure how. I just know evtime I saw you , I felt this connection. I nvr cared about your short height , bald spots , arrogant attitude , stupid logic and unreasonable obsession wid urself. I knew it doesnt matter. I knew I dunt care. I knew I loved you. I never felt this way for anyone. And may be thats why I dint know wat to do. May be I screwed up big time. may be I did manage to pisss you off. But I was so obsessed with the fact that I am in love with you , I never thought abt it. But now I know you dunt love me. I know you nvr felt the way I did. I know you never looked at me the way I did. But why is it still so hard for me to accept that . I know I have to move on. I know we are nt meant for each other .

Mya be it was all in my head. May be it was a dream . May be it wasnt love. May be I hav lost myself. May be you werent the one.

Whatever it was, I know you will always be special to me. I wish I could say this to you. I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. I wish you were my destiny.

So here I kiss you good bye. My sweet love ...Its all over now. It was a dream and its over now.

I wish I find myself soon...

Quick Update

2008-06-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

I am leaving for Calcutta day after tomm..Super Busy..
It is all so hard for me.It is so hard to leave mom dad behind..I cant even get emotional in front of them.I have to pretend I am all happy and excited about going but I am not. Suddenly , I have a strong urge to just stay back at home. You know this weird fear of facing the unknown and the strong temptation to stay in ur comfort zone. But I know I will have to move on...No other choice now..I seriously pray that I be able to survive in that new atmosphere away from family and friends.
I will soon post about my new life :-)
People , wish me luck!!!!

2008-06-12T02:59:00.000-07:00

I feel disgusted....DISGUSTED!!.....

This is such a big torture...I am so happy I am leaving at this point of time.

Why am I the one who is always being tortured by some psycho??!!!

Why is it my fault if someone is a psycho?

Why is it my fault if some guy doesnt have a life??

Why do I have to prove it to people that I have nothin to do with that psycho??

Why is it always a gurl's fault??

Why cant they just leave me alone???

I AM NOT THAT BAD ... THEN WHY ALL BAD PEOPLE ARE AFTER MY LIFE??

2008-06-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

One cant really do without jeans.I always face this crazy problem when it comes to jeans.Size X will be way too big for me and Size X-2 will give this real bad fitting. It takes so much time for me to buy even one pair..and by the time I get my right fit , I almost start hating the idea of wearing those :-)

I have got this new craze for skirts.But I have heard that my campus will have insane number of mosquitoes.So I had to really restrict the number of skirts and shorts in my new wardrobe :-( but I still managed to get quite a few :-)

Btw FINALLY I am done with shopping. Though little little things are still left but at least I dunt have to buy more clothes. I am so bored of shopping!

Just 8 more days to go before I leave delhi . I will miss delhi big time. I am leaving behing my whole life ...sigh...

Yesterday,we had this big puja plus dinner plus farewell party.All my relatives were there. Though it was a lot of fun , I had this strange feeling when it got over. For the first time , I actually felt that soon i will be gone to a new place , new city , new people...its going to be such a big change!

But more den that , I realised my social skills sucks big time when it comes to relatives. I can talk to anyone on this earth but not relatives. How crazy is that!!

BTW MY BLOOD GROUP IS A POSITIVE . WHAT'S URS???

Just an Update..

2008-05-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

I am leaving my whole life behind to be at an unknown place with unknown people in an unknown path!!!It really freaks me out!

Since hardly three weeks are left before I leave , I am shopping like crazy.I am goin to leave most of my old clothes..new life , new clothes:-)

Simple things give me a lot of joy these days.Like the other day , I bought this awesome skirt and I ordered a pizza to celebrate that!!

Few days back , I was walking down this road which had lot of trees on both sides.There was a strong wind that day.As I passed this one particular tree which had yellow flowers , all the flowers started falling on me..It went on for like 40-50 seconds and when I crossed that tree , flowers stopped falling!It was such a big coincidence and it felt so awesome. Except few strangers , no one saw that :-(

But that little incident made my day.It was nt such a big deal but i liked it!!I told almost all my friends about it :-) :-)

Conversation

2008-05-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

"But he loves you so much.Infact he likes you for last 3 years. He is such a nice guy. He is good looking and he is rich. He is a strong and he is pursuing a career he likes.. What else do you want in a guy?He is just perfect for you.You wont find a guy like him.What is wrong with you?Do you know how difficult it is to find nice guys these days?"

"I like him but I am not sure if I love him..yes logically he is the right guy but ...I am not sure"

"You know you will never be able to settle down at this rate.You are 22 and you know you have just few years bef you get married.There is nothing like perfect guy.You need to compromise a bit"

"What to compromise here?I dunt feel that ways for him.Am I supposed to be with him just because he loves me?What about my feelings?What is wrong if I want to wait for the right guy ?"

"what right guy?he is the right guy...You dream a lot...this is not a movie..this is real life..!"

"Yes I dream.And I will continue to dream..My life has always been all about dreams.And I wont give up especially now.. I got thru my dream b-school and finally I hav a chance to make all my dreams come true. At such a crucial juncture , why do I have to think about settling down with some guy?Why cant I just concentrate on my career for next 5 years?Why
is it such a big deal if I chose to be single?This is my big chance to make it big in life..Why do I have run after guys AT THIS POINT of time..??And that too some guy about whom I am not sure??I dunt feel this is the right time for me to think about all that.Next 2 years are going to be the most important years of my life.I have a lot to learn in next 2 yrs.And then I want to enjoy a lot as well.I cant take this pressure for making such a big decision in life.I cant and I dunt want to decide about the guy I like.Not now.."

"You are stupid.You are never going to settle down.Take my word on that"